Goodbye Winter...

....have fun in Australia.

(Hey papa and mushie, do you see how well I am taking care of your little dog. Hope mexico is nice. Miss you. love, Parker.)

SNAKE

Nice try winter, but we're through. Sure we had some good times, the snow hill was fun. I enjoyed Sundance again. But, it was never going to last. So let's end it now. No more sneaking over to visit in the night and leaving two inches of snow.

You've got to go, and like Bob Dylan said, "you were a general in the war in heaven and when people find out that you lived in the age of..." oh wait, that's not it. like Bob Dylan said, "if you got to go, go now!"

Team Snake, this is John Connors reporting for duty. (Rett, when does the softball season start?)

The Happiest Place on Earth...

Just a few favorite pictures of a really fun week at Disneyland. Thanks Gummy for turning 50 and wanting to spend it at Disneyland. What a fun adventure! ( Sophie, Gummy and cousin Timothy)You can't really tell from this picture- but this is Parker watching the Dumbo ride...very impatiently. At one point he got down on the ground and tried to get under the fence ( in the 3 inch space) just to get on the ride. There was many times I had to chase after him as he was running onto rides where the people were getting off. Smart little guy. Sophie's new favorite princess... Snow White. I think it is becuase we happened to see her the most and they had a pretty cute little moment when we took this picture. Like John said in his previous post... in her words, "Snow White is my way way best friend." Love the ears. My kids actually wore them. And as of yesterday were still wearing them. An attempt at the family photo. It seems we can never get everyone to look at the camera at the same time. :)
Thank you disneyland for another magical moment...( scattered with temper tantrums and over priced food!) We love you and we will hurry back!

Thank you...

... warm wind, the last bits of a nice days sunlight, carrots and Sophie. You turned a filthy gas station parking lot into Walden Pond. Good bye, quiet desperation (you will return later, I'm sure.) Goodbye, rushing to get somewhere else. Hello, right now. Nice to meet you. Who knew you were so likable.

In Walden, Thoreau said he went to the woods because he wanted to "live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life." He said he wanted to "drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world."

I propose that he could have done that in one 12 hour drive to California. No need to live for 2 years on nothing. No need to gather wood and maintain a shack by the pond. No need to count ants. You want to see the bare bones brutal truth of life? Stick a 2 year old and a 4 year old in a car for 12 hours. Tie those "no we will never stop moving" children to one spot and tell them to sit there and be entertained by the barren, lifeless landscape that connects Utah to California. Feed them high fat, high sugar foods. Feed yourself the same. Or starve yourself. There is no other practical choice.

My book about my drive to California would have been a little less transcendental than Walden in its philosophy. This not to say that the drive was miserable. There was really no fighting or yelling. It just felt uncomfortable and meaningless. It felt like the thing I had to do to get to what I wanted to do.

But then, in "not meant to be on a postcard" Jean, Nevada, Ashely dug Parker out of the pile of crackers and crayons that he was hiding under and carried him into the bathroom. Sophie, who had been begging for liberation for some time, accepted that she would not be allowed to "go see if the gas station sells barbies," or "go get a treat," even if she promised to be "way, way good." So she grabbed a bag of carrots and hopped on the back of the truck with me.

Then, the warm wind came, and Sophie's hair started to blow in her face, and she started laughing. The sun was about to set. It was warm and quiet. I could see Ashley through the gas station window, holding Parker in her arms while she paid for a diet coke.

And suddenly, I was sitting on the back of a truck, eating carrots, in the middle of everything I ever wanted.

Tomorrow one of us will write about the destination. California is beautiful. Disney was fun. There will be pictures. If Sophie leans to spell by then there will be a lot of stuff about Snow White, (actual quote, "dad, i fink now Snow White is my way way best friend.")

I'm writing about the trip. If life, when I strip it all the way down, is more about my little group of four trying to get somewhere than it is about getting there, that's fine with me. I just like being with them.

I seem to kick up a lot of dirt chasing after life. It moves so fast, and I get tired so easily. So thank you Jean, Nevada. Thanks to all those moments of clarity when it seems worth it. For that pause in the chase when the beast stops and looks back at me. And I can catch my breath and really see it.

And it's beautiful.

Random Photo

Tonight as I was doing the dishes I looked over at the computer and saw this cute picture that is saved as my screen saver and smiled. It made me happy.

February album of the month or the curse of the beard-spell.

Let me begin by saying, if my son and I were roaming the charred, post apocalyptic earth in a hunger induced haze and we came across this man, I would not approach him. Even if I thought he might have a can of food to spare. Because, there is a good chance he would use that saw to cut us in half. And the book recounting our journey would be too short to win the Pulitzer.

But, in the pre-apocalyptic world this is one of the good guys.

In the face of some decent competition, (Mountain Goats, Kathleen Edwards) Bon Iver's album For Emma, Forever Ago has won my February heart.

The album was self-released by the artist (that was redundant) last fall, so it is technically not a NEW release, but Jagjagwar (the label that brought you Okkervil River) picked up the album and officially re-released it in February. And that is when I jumped on board.

This is a great album for days like today. When the slight rain slows everything down a little bit. And you're not sure whether the ground will be sun dried or soaked in an hour, but you're ok with either. This album has a kind of hopeful uncertainly. A sort of somber rejoicing. And a singer with an awesome beard.*

Bon Iver writes beautiful melodies with sparse arrangements. A little reminiscent of Elliot Smith. Maybe a little Jeff Buckley in there too. Picture TV on the Radio's lead singer being backed by the band Calexico.

If that produces no image, try picturing the guy in the picture above singing really cool songs. Accompanied by nothing but the saw, bent back and forth to various degrees to create strange and beautiful soundscapes. Like distant thunder lulling you to sleep. (Those last too sentences completely misrepresent this artist. As far as I can tell he never plays the saw. Certainly not that saw. That thing would play him.)

By way of review,

Bon Iver album= very good, probably best of February.

Bearded man with giant saw in a world turned upside down= probably not approachable.

Thank you for reading this far, whoever you are. More pictures of the kids next time.

*Much has been made of Geraldine Ferraro, a key financial chairperson for the MAN ACTUALIZED by travis campaign, and her unfortunate statement suggesting that Bon Iver’s success is the result of a sort of beard-spell we indie-folk loving types seem to be under. (Iron & Wine, Devandra Banhardt, Ray Lamontagne...there's a pattern here) “If Bon Iver were a beardless man,” Ferraro told a California newspaper, “he would not be in this position. He happens to have been blessed with a great ability to grow facial hair. And www.johnandashleyconnors.blogspot.com is caught up in that concept.” We regret that the MAN ACTUALIZED campaign has not made a greater effort to distance itself from this comment. Don’t shrink this terribly important album of the month race to a debate about who is or isn’t playing the beard card. Let’s just focus on the music.

Dear Spring...

Hurry up. My little boy can't get enough of the sandbox. And frankly- I forsee a really good spring and summer up ahead. Lots of hours outside watching this little guy hang out with his tractors.

today....

Today was awesome. Here is why:

1. The sun was shining and it was warm enough to sit outside and read a book while my kids played in the sandbox.

2. I had three diet cokes while I read.

3. I finally finished "To Kill A Mockingbird" ( John has begged me to read this for 7 years now- I am not quite sure why it took me so long to finally pick it up.) I loved it. My favorite part of the book is an exchange between Scout and Atticus,when she is recounting a part of a book about a man and says," an Atticus, when they finally saw him, why he hadn't done any of those things... Atticus, he was real nice." Here is Atticus' response: (and something I truly believe)

"Most people are Scout, when you finally see them."

What a great reminder and a really good day.