It seemed the whole time I was pregnant with Ruby people who had three or more kids would often say to me with a smile, " Oh man, three is the one that put me over the edge." or " Wow. Three kids did us in." or " they just smiled and muttered, "yah, three was tough, good luck." Of course in my uber emotional state of pregnancy being, I always took offense to these statements. I was so discouraged by them.
Not anymore. Now I savor them. I ask everyone I know if three put them over the edge. I ask them if it was number three that just did them in. And I willingly tell the whole truth when anyone asks how it is or how I am doing- sharing more than they want to know.. that yes indeed three has catapulted me over the edge.
Don't get me wrong. I love my three kids. And I imagine as Ruby rouses more from her cute sleepy state that I will continue to love my three kids more than I ever knew I could love anything... but I am also sure that I will remain somewhat in this under water feeling.
I have reflected upon this state of my life quite a bit lately. The last two Sundays I have been asked to come speak to the Young Women in my ward, and the Young Women in my mother-in- laws ward. The topic- Finding joy in being a young mother/ realizing your potential at this time in your life.
To be honest. I laughed after I got off the phone the first time. Perhaps I am the wrong person to ask for this topic... too postpardum, still too fat, still sleep deprived, still thrown off, living in a serious mess, still trying to balance getting anywhere close to on time, the list could go on and on.
Perhaps God needed me to think about the joys of being a young mother with three kids that maybe in retrospect could have each been spaced about 2 more years apart than they were. ( he he) And here is what I have learned...
I am over the edge. My house is a mess. My marriage feels like the last thing on the list. My stomach hangs too far over my pants. My eyes close at any given time. I raise my voice too often. I fall super short in sooo many areas.
and yet.... my heart is so full. I couldn't love these little ones more. And admist all this craziness, I do feel immense joy.
Thanks God. I needed that reminder.
17 comments:
Ash don't worry it doesn't last forever otherwise ALL families would only have 3 kids. Something must happen in the next year or two that makes you think you will survive!!
Oh and you will. Just remember how overwhelmed you were with just Sophie.
Parenting is a steep learning curve.
But jam packed with little "hammy hammy" moments when they take your face in both their little hands and kiss you with such 2 year old passion that you start to cry and think lucky me!!
LOVE YOU!!
You have just summed up how every woman who has children feels. Thank you. I promise it does get easier. And I can't think of anyone better to speak to the young women than you. I think you're perfect.
Ash,
I kept saying "Yep. Yep." in my head the whole time I read your post.
I so relate, and so do most mothers.
Love your honesty, and hope you will come give me your lesson in my living room.:) I could use the motivation!
I totally know what you are talking about! We have had 3 kids for 5 weeks now and these past 5 weeks have been crazy and busy and I find myself saying, I never knew had good I had it with just 1 and how I could sleep whenever he did. And I never knew how easy it was with 2 since each of us good take one kid. 3 is challenge, but fun at the same time since there is never a dull second.
Oh, I am very scared for my third baby to come in the next few months. I really want it out of me and at the same time it is much easier to deal with her inside me :). I do think there is a good 5 or 6 months where everything in life is trying to adjust after having a baby. Everyone in the family is trying to figure out their new place.
It is true, three makes you and John officially outnumbered. Just keep your eye on the prize.... kindergarten. I believe you will find respite then. BTW, you cover quite well. Would you just whine a little bit more?
I'm proud!!! Hang in there...just look at how wonderful all my children turned out in spite of me!
Ash, I love you TONS and wish we could be nearby to help! Timo is often saying he can't wait to move back to Utah so he can play with Sophie. Hope things start getting better soon. Just think...Spring is on it's way with tons of light and long days and pretty flowers...and hopefully a baby Ruby who will sleep through the night and give you the much-needed rest you deserve :). Hugs, Sarah
Ashy-
You were the MOST PERFECT person to talk to my Laurels, and you said the MOST PERFECT things! You are smack on in your priorities, to the core, and you AMAZE me!
If your mom and dad had stopped at two where would we be today?????
Yay for the three's!
ps-It does get better. One of the great gifts of having three is the humility it brings with it. We realize we need other people. Having more than your two arms can carry gives other people the opportunity to bond with darling little ones who might not be made so available otherwise.
you are gorgeous inside and out.
You're an inspiration to every mother. You're amazing and you just keep enjoying the journey. It's all worth it. There are many stages and phases of motherhood. Just ask your own mom. It's up and down and full of smiles and tears and through it all, it's the greatest calling in the world. Keep doing what you're doing. I love you and your family.
Thanks for the reminder.
I am learning that three is definitely a crowd. We tried to all take a family nap in our queen bed on Sunday and it did work that well, but it was endearing to have all of us together.
If it makes you feel any better I still think of you as one of the kindest/nicest people I know and now I'll include humble.
Ashley, can i just say how amazing i think you are?! Seriously! I think you are an amazing mother! I look up to you so much and envy your cute family! You are truely blessed...and i know i don't have to say it for you to know it. :)
All I have to say is AMEN SISTER! I have 4 months until my 3rd is here...yes, I am worried! And, yes, I am excited. I know it will go both ways. You are amazing. Keep your chin up...I love you just the way you are!
Could you honestly imagine our family without me or Lauren? That goodness it somehow gets easier or you stay crazy enough to think that child 4 or 5 is a good idea.
I think you are doing beautifully...we might have to have this same conversation one day when I am in your shoes though, because all though I cannot relate, I can imagine!
We are really good babysitters, let us know how we can help!!
Ash, you sum up having the third child perfectly. I am pretty sure I felt many if not all of those emotions that first year. My motto, "One Day at a Time." Here is the crazy part, I am ready for number four. You are a beautiful mother and just a great person. Can't wait until I get to see you again!
Ash, I always love you and your honesty. O I remember that tired state all too often, I am still in it. But with one more kid on the plate...I can't imagine! yet. Loved your thoughts you shared. you are a great mom and friends. I love you,.
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