Preface: Considering entertainment in food terms, if "To Kill a Mockingbird" is a good balanced meal, packed with fresh produce, possibly locally grown, and "TMZ" is a twinkie wrapped in chicken skin, battered and deep fried, then what is your typical romantic comedy?
I am stuck. I am entranced. I am one hour and 30 minutes into a movie that I was sure I did not want to watch, and my list of "things with equal or greater entertainment value that I could be doing instead" is growing by the minute.
I could be sleeping.
Or cleaning the baseboards.
Or reading a book about math.
Yet I cannot leave.
"You've come this far, John, ride it out. Give it a chance, maybe they'll right the ship...
maybe...
probably not."
"But how does it end? "
I don't know the answer to that question for so many "its" in my life. And I don't need the question, "will the 28th dress be a wedding dress?"floating around with "what will my kids be like in 10 years?"
Will they like the Beatles?
Will they like me?
Will I like my job?
Will I still have all my fingers?
Will Team Snake beat the Fur Traders this year?
etc.
So I will fight on, waiting for a good song in the soundtrack (thank you Ray Lamontagne for letting your music be in so many crappy movies), or one mildly entertaining bit of dialogue, until the sweet, sweet end.
Just to know the answer for something.
34 comments:
Hey! I still love you (and I even like the way you write). It makes me laugh because I had to call ash and ask if the movie was really that bad. We all know that you guys actually have a really sweet life- hence why you can post in a round about way that even suffering through a lame movie was a fun way to spend the night watching a flick cuddling with your wife and hearing her laugh! love you both!
Spoiler Alert: This will be my longest comment yet.
(sidenote: I read the post to heidi and she is cracking up from the hospital bed.)
Chapter 1
In my entire life there is only one film I have seen halfway through. It was 2000 and my friend and his then girlfriend were fighting. We were both sick of her and I had a plan... I knew from previous "I'm so righteous" comments that she didn't watch R rated movies. So as we were driving by a theater I said we had been planning to see ummmmmmm (during the "um" I was scanning the movie listings.)American Psycho with Christian Bale. I had never heard of it but enjoyed Bale as an actor so there it was. She said in a condescending tone, "I don't watch R rated movies." I said okay and she dropped us off in a huff.
Chapter 2
(I should say I don't have a problem at all with someone who doesn't watch r rated films. It was the way she went about it.) Well, in we went and just like a Fireside story, walked out about 30 minutes into it. (Let's just say Bale's character is no Bruce Wayne). And ironically walked about 5 miles home to our apartment because she the girlfriend was our ride home.
Chapter 3
As far as I can tell this is what we can take from this story...
-Don't use R rated movies to get out of things or you will get burned.
-Christian Bale makes bizarre choices in his roles.
-I have a crazy need to see films completed and in some small way still want to see the end of that lame movie.
-This need may be a reaction to the uncertainties I feel in my own life.
-This post runs in direct contrast to someone who loves the OC and Smallville. You continue to be an enigma.
-Last but not least both of us need to repeatedly sing in our minds "Lead kindly Light" whenever we feel worried about the darkness of the unknown.
REST AT EASE MY FRIEND, SNAKE WILL SLOWLY DIGEST THE FUR TRADERS WITH EASE.
Acceptable chick flicks: Love Actually and Wedding Crashers. Outside of that, I'm going to sleep in the opening scene.
Oh John..don't be so dramatic. It is okay to like a chick flick every once in a while. Especially 27 Dresses. Don't feel bad about it. Let the guilt go so you can fully enjoy it.
Casey said...
As I read your post Kysha and I are15 minutes into 27 dresses. Or using your analogy we just took our first bite of deep fried chicken skin twinkie. MMmmmmm delicious.
to answer your questions:
in 10 years your sophie will be the next dakota fanning, and parker will be the youngest member of the silverado crew. They will both like the beatles, but prefer the acoustical stylings of the now more mature post-rehab miley cyrus. They will both like you (even though sophie will want a bigger cut of her acting profits. You will have all your fingers. Will you like your job...does kenny still work there? And you will not beat the fur traders unless you can bring in some better relief pitching and sure up that hole in left field
Spoiler Alert: Ending of American Psycho included
I actually went and saw 27 Dresses by myself on a Saturday afternoon, and I while I definitely was in to the end, my overall reaction was eaahh (you know the sound of saying "it was okay," I'm not sure how you spell it) And even as a Smallville fan myself, I agree with Travis, if you can get through some of the truly horrible writing of some of those episodes, you can do 27 Dresses. (And Travis, Christian Bale continues the murdering spree, it gets crazy, bloody and out of control, he can't take the stress, and finally confesses: And no one will believe him. It's suppossed to be some high brow comment on the yuppies in New York in the 80's. Or something. Don't judge me. I don't watch Rs anymore)
Supposed. Supposed. (on a side note, I also saw American Psycho by myself on a Saturday afternoon. Maybe it should tell me something if no one wants to go see the movie I think looks kinda good.)
Sorry to monopolize the comments but I have a favor to ask of your blog. I need some kind of record of music recommendations. Maybe it could be a list you keep adding to because I only go to emusic once a month and then spend try desperately (and rarely successfully) to remember the name of the band I should check out. Kill Moon Sun? Dodos? I can't remember.
Just ignore the grammatical errors. I'm struggling
Emusic is struggling this year. Everything worth downloading isn't available in the U.S. for some odd reason.
Hi Ashley and John, This is Heidi's mom, Kathryn. I am coming up to Utah to see our new grandson. Would you like me to pick up anything from Trader Joes? Wasn't it the spicy black bean dip that your family loved?
You can respond on Heidi's blog.
Just so you know, my mom called me up a little while ago, and she said "I think I committed a blog faux pas," and told me how she left a comment on your blog. I told her not to worry, especially if she brings trader joes goods. So, now we'll have even more reasons to get together: Miles, spicy bean dip, the list goes on and on...
I'll try the Treidi response method.
A- I'm glad you still love me.
Trav- you are a sturdy wordsmith. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. The OC/Smallville argument is a compelling one. I do love those shows...
RETT-THANK YOU FOR THE WORDS OF COMFORT. I WILL REST AT EASE.
Hendu- what about "bring it on?"
Tia- you may be right. maybe I love romantic comedies. and this post will play out like a romantic comedy in that sense. I start out hating them then realize that the thing I love has been right before my eyes all along. My screaming fight with romantic comedies may end with a kiss after all.
Casey- TMZ is the twinkie. The comedy is something higher. Not necessarily great for you, but not going to kill you. Tabloid tv, now that will kill you. it will burn your soul.
Scott- I'm exicited to hear post rehab miley cyrus and her acoustic work. that part of my future sound cool.
Brandi- Great to see friends helping friends. Thank for sharing the end of American Psycho for Travis. I will try to accomodate your music request.
Kathryn- your comment is as far from a faux pas as possible. it is never a faux pas to offer food. (possible exception include Muslims during Ramadan and women during childbirth) Hope to see you when you're up here.
Heidi- you are a super star baby haver. Miles looks awesome. Your glasses were very hip in the photos too. We'll be down there to see that little man asap.
We did watch 27 dresses--and I tend to agree with you. Yet, a few nights later we watched "Lars and The Real Girl." I would say it is of the locally-grown produce variety.
Kysha
I watched the show last night.....by myself!! Henry walked out to google algebraic logarithms just seven minutes in.
I did love how she threw her evil sister right under the bus. Final opinion: Ladies, don't be fooled by the creme filling.
Your post made me crave a romantic comedy, so I found one on "Sundance on Demand." It's called "Let Sleeping Dogs Lie." Five minutes in, I was wishing for serious junk food...I bailed sooner than Travis at American Psycho. The premise is going to give me the creeps for weeks to come. I'm not sure what "food" it can be compared to...probably something in the pet aisle. Be grateful for your cliches.
Notice that the Chick Flicks that Tyler enjoys are laiden with sensless Nudity, that's what I'm talking about!
I also agree with Scott, who I have never actually met, but it seems like the last couple of seasons there has been a glaring hole in left field, Rett, you and Jeff never should have bought me out of my contract with that Artic Circle coupon.
john I enjoyed your treidi style responses. good form old boy!
sterling & brandi thanks for the movie run down you saved 2 hours of my life. Glad to know you are recovering "R" movie watchers. Do they have support meetings?
ps-I am going for 30 comments on this bad boy. I believe we can do it.
Ster wins the thread. He correctly identified the key ingredient in any tolerable chick flick.
I am so happy I could provide such a meaningful and soul searching experience for you- all thanks to the red box and a chick flick. oh how I am a sucker for those "twinkies wrapped in chicken skin" romantic comedy- ESPECIALLY if Ashton Kutcher is the main star. Thanks for putting up with me. I love you honey and your total resistance to all things chick flick.
ps- amen to tia's comment. just let go of the guilt babe.:)
Travis - I'm the only recovering R watcher, Ster still watches them the second I am out of town. And Ash- I just watched the new Ashton Kutcher movie, I might be a convert to your way of thinking! Heres to comment 29!
Hi John! This is a blast from your distant past here... Jenny Mahler, remember me? Well your Mom gave me the link to your site, and it's great to see you're doing so good and what an adorable family! :)
I also wanted to comment to let you know that my husband felt the EXACT same way about me forcing him to sit through 27 Dresses. I kept thinking it would redeem itself, but no - it was a truly classic chick flick. He made me pay by picking a seriously "guy" action flick the next time. :)
Congratulations!!!! We did it everyone... we just entered the 30's on comment total.
well done team. drinks on me.
Can we take those "drinks on you" in Mexico?
I just got done seeing the movie in question. Wow...that was bad. For a genre that is essentially an insult to the art of filmmaking, this one outdid itself. At the end Stacy said, "this movie is so embarrassing." It was a proud moment for me. I know there are certain hallmarks that every chick flick must follow, but could they not have at least one original idea going on? This plot was far more entertaining in How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.
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